juSt anotHer blOg

THE NOT-SO-STRAIGHT TIMES

Escargot Revolt! France fall in World Cup Finals.

Berlin - As the curtain falls over the grand spectacle that is the FIFA World Cup Finals 2006, many topics of controversy have sprung amidst Italy's win over France. The Zidane headbutt saga aside, this paper had previously reported of a conspiracy theory purported by self-claimed expert, Natasha Fernando, that snails were employed by the French to aid their advancement in this tournament.

However, France's loss has left many scoffing at this theory. "Where are your snails now??" screamed an angry French supporter in Paris while over in Rome, jubilant Italians were seen happily tucking into escargots in what perceived as a mocking gesture.

But this paper was surprised to receive a call from a snail after the match explaining the entire affair. The caller identified itself as a spokesnail from the Executive Snails' Committee of All Rights N Other Things (ESCARNOT). The exchange is as follows:

"We snails have had enough I tell you! It took us since the first match of this World Cup till the finals to realise that we're actually being used! And don't even bother asking us why we took this long to realise because we're naturally slow! We can't help it!

Anyway, everyone's cheering about how great the French team is and we snails are like, EATEN for our efforts? And this on top of getting crushed by the opposition and the French during the matches. Did I mention that wehelped Zidane in all his penalties? Anyway we decided to quit halfway during the match after we realised what the whole deal was about and that's why Trezeguet missed that penalty - we pushed it on the bar! The Italians were MUCH nicer to us, Materazzi told us he would treat us to pasta regardless of the results and that was a major reason why we decided to quit helping the French. Us snails finally get to EAT something for a change. Why do you think Zidane headbutted him? That's because Materazzi told him that the snails will join him for pasta after the Italians win. Anyway its over now. EAT THIS FRANCE! *splat*"

This reporter has reasons to believe that the spokesnail had threw a pizza or its equivalent but the snail in question could not be reached for further comment. Further investigations however revealed that the entire escargot contingent had been squished by not the angry French but the jubilant Italians when they ran across the pitch celebrating their win.

Thus this ends the affair of the World Cup Final. Till the next tournament.

'Urchin' Loh Wei Qi
Special One-Time Correspondent
for The Not-So-Straight Times.

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psst! wei qi, i've published your article and you owe me one chocolate for making me type the word I*****N so many times! its blasphemous!!

posted by nuVul @ Monday, July 17, 2006