juSt anotHer blOg

-i want a change!
so much for being permanent.

i want colours. i'm sick of monotone. i want a change. and i'll do it later. mebbe even get back to basic.

i've mentally composed a blog entry but am not going to put it in. yet. but hope i dont have to put it mean. though with the way things are going..mebbe i'll just type it down and keep it in draft. and when its time, ta-daa! entry ready.

it seems that i've develop a phobia to a certain type of ppl. all this through exposure to one of them for abt three hours. but the impact is enough to make me feel small insignificant and resentful. its crap really. even the odds are uneven. unfair advantage i'll say this person have. even different status in life. the person is married , career, house, kids, cars, and money. basically the person is already established in the world. whereas me, i'm a nobody. still trying to find my footing. so i should juz get over it and live my own life right?

its much easier to think than do. no matter how hard i try i cant help but compare myself with the person. at every turn, in every corner. its tiring. cos everytime i see others who's just like this person i stiffened up. which is highly nonsense. they cant harm me. they're harmless in fact. so why? i really dont get it. it doesnt help that i'm actually considering emulating these people. which is what i dont want. i'm even showing interest in stuffs thats usually beyond my notice now. all because of them. i guess its stupid to blame my insecurities on one specific grp of ppl or just one person. cant be help now. i just wanna break free. but how? i wanna be my own person. again, how? its crap. honest to goodness crap. i need a shrink.

wanna know who? am not telling, you'll laugh at me. but cont asking me and mebbe one day you'll catch me offguard. or..observe. there's one grp. see if you're smart enough to be the next sherlock holmes.

its not fair how some ppl bitch abt smthg gd but they got it while you who've been hoping and waiting for the same thing dont even smell it. its really unfair. mebbe i should start bitching abt stuffs that i want. mebbe then i'll get it.

i'm dedicating my life's to bks and animals simply because humans around me dont really deserve them.

posted by nuVul @ Wednesday, August 03, 2005