i know i have. my dad said once that i'm proud. i'd like to think that i've higher self-worth. am sure ppl have said i'm snobbish though not in my face. but hey, its not my fault that i dont like to talk to strangers. afterall, isnt that what's been drilled into us since we're kids? 'never talk to strangers!' . its just that i need time to warm up to ppl before i interact with them. i dont think that makes me an unfriendly person..right?
anyhow, i'm learning. and i've found that there's many different type of arrogance. there's the delinquent arrogance ( i-dont-care-what-you-and-the-entire-world-think-and-i-dont-have-to-prove-anything-to-you), the high and mighty arrogance ( you're-not-worth-my-time-and-breath-so-please-do-not-pollute-my-immediate-surrounding-with-your-inferior-self), the stubborn arrogance ( i-may-be-dying-or-about-to-be-experiencing-extreme-torture-but-i-do-not-need-your-help!), and...there's me (i-dont-usually-smile-or-warm-up-to-strangers-simply-cos-they're-strangers!).
i think, with all the diff spectrum of arrogance, i'm not so bad. admit i was rather arrogant in my tkgian days. esp when i had to deal with rowdy neighbourhood sch students. it was big time high and mighty. of cos it's wrong of me but let's just say that then, i was a...green horn (no pun intended). i wasnt like that all the time though. and i'm glad that i've outgrown that phrase. hmm..actually, thinking that if i didnt end up in tpjc, would prolly be somewhat high-and-mighty too. i guess its another good thing of coming to the college.
thinking..is it part of human nature to be arrogant? von says yes cos its natural for Man to be self-centered. its juz the extremity of self-centeredness that defines an individual. now am asking, is being self-centered the same as being arrogant? am i both? somehow i've this warp notion that its better to be arrogant than self-centered. does that makes me unfriendly and cold?
a lot of ppl been telling me i should smile more and "even if its a stranger, it doesnt hurt to smile right?" ? i say i dont like to smile around for no reason. does that makes me unfriendly then? i've a naturally serious face. but i like to laugh and smile too. the former never deter me from making any friends. only whether i bother to or not. and for that to happen, i need to know more of the person to decide if they're worth my time. no call for making friends with someone who'll get you in loads of trouble is there? so guess it boils down to time? yes. it does..cos it is with time that i get to know someone more thus able to warm up to them.
this is all very confusing. anyhow, i'll learn to smile more and at strangers too. tho if i get accosted by some weirdos its your fault. i'll try to look more friendly too. no idea how, but i'll fig it out. and yes, if i see your mom on the street again, i'll smile and not gape like a goldfish.
posted by nuVul @ Tuesday, April 19, 2005
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